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Me Myself & Mahnoor

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Fear Of The Unknown

I don’t know why I’m having such trouble writing these days. I suppose, after reading other people’s work, I just really begin to doubt my abilities. I especially wonder whether anyone could ever possibly enjoy my writing or find my writing style even half okay. I’ve been told many times that I’m good at writing but for some reason I’m just not convinced. This has also been holding me back from starting my own blog.So,if you’re not me and reading this then hooray ! I’ve finally done it. Go me! 🙂

Alrightie then, let’s move on to today’s topic.

A certain fear has been popping into mind, now more so than ever, to the extent that sometimes I feel like I’ll have a mental breakdown.What is it that I fear, you ask? Living a boring and completely predictable life.

This is how I see it; married in a few years, baby after a year, another after a couple more years and then dedicating my life to serving my family, forgetting all about any dreams or passions I ever had because family comes first right? Ughh I don’t know ,really. I guess I’ll have to put my interests aside so I can care for the kids because who will if don’t? Only travelling when the husband has enough money, and in today’s economy is that ever going to even happen? What about Bora Bora ?(lol) Will I ever be able to go there? Will I also end up with a typical Pakistani mard(man) whose only wish is for me to serve his family and keep their whinny selves happy ?Stuck amongst  rishtaydaar (relatives) whose only job is to bicker and backbite ?

One thought after the other,I end up in a downwards spiral.

Will I not be aware of what’s going on in the actual world? Will someone ever want to discuss an intellectual topic with me or will I not even be speak if such a chance arises as I will no longer know of anything more than what is inside my home? Will I forget everything I learned at university because I spent 20 years just looking after my kids and then when they leave the house, I won’t know what to do with my life?

Gosh! This is exhausting.

I find it so hard to not lose myself in such thoughts because really some things are inevitable. I’m not saying that all these things are bound to happen, all I’m saying is that if they are to happen they will and all I can really do is ; form goals, work towards them and not let such thoughts get to me because really, I’m not in control of my life anyway.Allah is! And I’m sure whatever he has planned for me is far better than anything I could ever plan for myself.So,the best thing to do now, I suppose, is to place all my trust in him and see what life has in store for me.

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Types of Men You Shouldn’t Say “I do” to.

4 Types Of Men You Should Never Marry

Hello lovelies,

I hope this isn’t a very cliché , magazine article-esque post ,but I was just thinking about what kind of men I absolutely despise, hehe , so I decided to write down a list. Hope you don’t mind, promise there is a lot of diverse content coming up for you lovelies. Give it a read though, you might just like it.

What types of men should you avoid at all costs?

Yes, it’s true, everyone has their own preference when it comes to the type of person they see fit as a life partner. However, some people are nothing but trouble, so do yourselves a favour ladies and steer clear of the following types of men.

1)The Mama’s Boy:

Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being attached to your mother. In fact, the relationship between a mother and son is really quite a special one, that is , unless it gets to the point where the son is completely under the influence of his mother’s words and cannot do so much as think or make decisions on his own. Now, you certainly don’t need your monster .. *ahem ahem* i mean mother in law being the one deciding how many children you’ll have or how you’ll manage your  finances. I’ve actually seen men who won’t let their wives decide what to name the baby they’ve carried for nine months, because they want their “mumsie love” to have the honour. For God’s sake mate! Give it a rest. So if you don’t want to have to worship your man’s mother for the rest of your life , definitely stay away from any mama’s boys.

"Do I, mom?"

Image courtesy:cartoonstock.com

2)The One Who Lacks Ambition:

Ah! Here’s a good one. A man who lacks ambition. Yes siree, ambition is most certainly a quality required for making a good husband. You need the man you marry to be someone who is determined and focused to achieve something in life, to get somewhere. No one wants a lazy bum who would lie in bed all day if he could and is satisfied with a low wage job just because he doesn’t want to put any extra effort in. I’ve known women who had to end up filing for a divorce because their husbands just refused to work, out of sheer laziness and lack of ambition, they wanted their wife’s family to send them money instead. How utterly shameful!

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Image courtesy: randomdysfunctions.com

3)The Bad Boy:

Ladies ladies ladies ! I know y’all love bad boys.Why? I’ll never know, I’ve personally never been attracted to one myself. I like the nice guys , who apparently come last. Meh, I don’t care if it’s not “cool” to like the nice guys, I most certainly do and I know for sure that they make better husbands then the oh so popular bad boys.Now let me br br break it down for you. Never ever ever never are you going to be able to change a “bad boy”.If he is to change, he will do so himself , but please stop fooling yourself into thinking that you’ll be the one to change his ways. It’s not going to happen, capiche? .Even if he’s being nice and polite to you, please don’t be flattered. The way he treats others speaks volumes about the kind of man he is and if cusses or mocks people for fun then that’s just not cool, okay?!

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4)The One Who’s Afraid Of Commitment:

Please, oh please, don’t be delusional and attach false hopes of marrying someone who has never uttered a word regarding marriage. If the man hasn’t shown any signs of wanting to make it official, it is most likely that he doesn’t intend to. The best route to take under such a circumstance is to walk away as soon as possible. If you’ve got marriage on your mind and the other person is just not that keen on the idea, it’s best to let them be and go your separate ways. Also, make sure you understand the man’s intentions before you get too involved, because the deeper you go the harder it’ll be for you to get out the relationship without getting your heart shattered. Don’t try to push such a man for marriage, because if he’s scared of marriage now , then he probably can’t take the pressure of being married and no marriage is most definitely not a piece of cake and it’ll be harder still when you’re married to someone who never completely committed to the idea. Also, if there are commitment issues it’s easier to leave a relationship then get married and have that not work out.

Bob still had a few commitment issues.
Bob still had a few commitment issues.
Image courtesy:cartoonstock.com

And that’s all for now guys! Hope you enjoyed reading .

Love Always,

M

Featured image courtesy: tracyandmatt.co.uk/google-glass-bans/

Women,Work and Financial Independence

Hello lovelies,

I don’t know if this will the first post that I publish but it is the first to be written. I’ll try not to wander off topic too much but I really am very excited to finally be sitting down and writing my first blog post.

Let’s get straight onto the topic then! Women, work and financial independence. The argument of whether women in Pakistan should or shouldn’t work is one that we hear of quite a lot. The fact of the matter is that it isn’t up to anyone but the woman herself to decide whether or not pursuing a career is for her. I recently read a post on facebook which really made my blood boil,  the writer suggested that the rising divorce rates in Pakistan are due to more women entering the workplace and as a consequence neglecting their homes. Did you ever hear something so ridiculous?! I don’t know of a single woman who would prioritize her work over her family.

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A question I hear men ask all the time is that, “If I’m working, why would my wife feel the need?” Ummm… excusez moi si’l vous plait … Is she not human? Does she not have goals/dreams of her own? or was she just made to serve your needs?! Geez, for God’s sake get over yourself! We have minds , dreams, aspirations , just as you do.

And please don’t call me a man hater because I’m really not, I know very well that not all men are alike just as not all women are but I just cannot fathom how someone could be so ignorant as to say things like this.

Let me give you some statistics:

According to the world development report published in 2012, female participation in the workplace for the year 2012 was 28% .Even though this percentage is rather low, especially when compared to countries like Vietnam which had a percentage of 77% in the same year, it’s still something to be proud of. We’ve definitely come a long long way. In fact, from 2000-2011 there has been an 8.1% increase in female participation, that means that 7 million females have been added to the workplace over this 11 year period.

This shows that despite the adversities and struggles faced by women in the workplace, including harassment, unequal pay, judgmental remarks etc , women are moving on up and they are determined to not let anything or anyone stop them. Getting a job leads to achievement of financial independence and  I believe that there’s nothing better you could do for yourself .In my opinion, financial independence comes with:

  • Security: How many times have you heard of divorcees and widows living in a miserable state after parting from their husbands, having to ask ignorant relatives for support or loans? Needless to say, in both cases (i.e of a divorce or death) whether you are working or not, you will suffer emotionally and be deeply hurt, but if you are financially independent, it will be much easier to get back up on you feet and though it make time to reach emotional stability you will for sure find it easy to deal with financial situation. Also, you will not feel the need, as many Pakistani women do, to stick around in a toxic relationship just because your family’s only source of income comes from the man.

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  • Freedom to spend on yourself: What I’ve observed in a lot of households is that women have to constantly ask/plead their husbands for money which they can spend on themselves , whether it’s for shopping or to get a mani/pedi.This usually requires having to sacrifice your self-respect as the man usually replies by blaming you for wasting his money and what not, when in actuality the money earned by him belongs to both of you. However,the husbands aren’t always wrong, sometimes they’re just not making enough money to accommodate such expenses.In such cases, you should obviously be understanding.But if you’re earning your own money you won’t have such worries and will be able to spend freely on yourself without feeling guilty or killing your self-respect.

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  • Lifestyle:In today’s economy, where affording even the bare necessities proves difficult, maintaining an above average lifestyle definitely doesn’t come with ease. In such circumstances,if the wife decides to work, she is also able to contribute towards the expenses and this will indeed help better the family’s lifestyle.This change could lead , for example,to you being able to afford a better school for your children or a house in a nicer neighbourhood.

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  • Less interaction with the in-laws: If you live with your in-laws you definitely know what I’m talking about.If you’re part of the 1% of Pakistani women who have nice in-laws , then congratulations! how very lucky of you, but also don’t read this because you won’t be able to relate.Now to the remaining 99% , you hear me right ? If you have oh so unfortunately ended up living with your saasu ma (mother in law) here’s the easiest way to spend as little time with her as possible…WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK ( did you sing that like Rihanna? You better have!) Ok, jokes apart, working really CAN help avoid so many problems at home. Firstly, you won’t be home most of the day, so there won’t be any opportunity for bickering, secondly if you’re at work ,you can’t mess up at home , right?! Thirdly, even if your mother in law does find some time to complain to you, you will be too exhausted to pay any heed to it.This may just be the biggest motivation for women to work.

Mummy-ye-aap-kya-keh-rahi-hain-5

 

So that’s a wrap guys! This was honestly so much fun.I felt like I was talking to a friend, writing is definitely a very therapeutic activity.I’m sorry if my writing isn’t up to the mark but I’ve been out of practice and really I’m not that great anyway but i know that i love to write and so i shall write.

Also , I wanted to end by saying that I by no means am trying to imply that all women should work no matter what or that it’s for everyone. There are many women who choose to take on the job of a house maker and I think that it’s beautiful that they put everyone else before themselves and by no means are working women better in any way than housewives. More power to women! No matter what role you choose to take on, know that you are loved and appreciated.

Love Always,

M

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